


For a Good Time, Call...

by TheMomeRath



Category: Brave (2012), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, General Anger, M/M, Revenge, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMomeRath/pseuds/TheMomeRath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is bored. Very Bored. So, he decides to call the telephone number on the wall of the bathroom stall. Little did he expect that he would end up helping a fiery redhead and her best friend exact revenge on the boy that wrote her number on the wall in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For a Good Time, Call...

Taking a shit in the public toilet was always an adventure for Jack. Not that there was anything special about pooping. Or even really pooping in public. Or touching his butt to the toilet seat that who knew how many people had used before him. (Thank goodness for sanitising spray.) The adventure was all in the atmosphere.

Jack always found himself reading the vandalism on the stall walls- and there was definitely a lot to read whenever he found himself in the college bathroom stall. Scribbled dirty limericks, vulgarities, territorial marks of who blew who in which stall, and sometimes actual interesting artwork sprawled across the greenish-brown (could they have chosen a more unhealthy color?) flimsy walls.

The limericks were always entertaining. That was practically a guarantee. One of his favorites was from a bathroom in the musical arts building on campus-

_A musicienne in Montebello_  
 _Amused herself playing the cello_  
 _But not a solo_  
 _For she used as a bow  
_ _The dong of a sturdy young fellow._

He had that one as well as a few others stored in his head just in case he ever had a need for them, and realizing that this particular bathroom was lacking in the "interesting" vandalism section, he pulled a sharpie from his pocket and started to write down one of the ones he hadn't seen on campus before. Halfway through the second line, though, he stopped. Nearly illegible next to his dumb poem, he spotted the almost-faded first three digits of a phone number.

_Hm._ He hesitated for a second, then capped his sharpie and pulled out his phone on a whim and added the number to his contacts, then finished writing the rest of the limerick, careful to not write any more over the worn number.

When he'd finished in the bathroom, he checked the clock and noticed it was still a couple hours until his 6:00 lab.

That's the one thing that bothered him most about college classes. He already got bored  when he had to sit through a dull lecture from a droning professor (his philosophy professor was, he had decided, the most boring jan bring in the universe) but to have to sit and wait for a nighttime class with nobody around was even more boring.

He collapsed into one of the couches in the small lounge. Normally, earlier in the day, at least a few students would have been sitting around the tables half-studying, but since it was so late in the day there wasn't much going on.

Jack sighed and flopped his head back against the couch's back, staring up at the ceiling. He'd already counted the tiles. That was two weeks ago. Since then, he'd tried reading the magazines the professors kept stocked in the magazine rack, but he was unsurprised to find that their tastes in reading material were about as exciting as their own personalities.

So that idea was out. Nothing fun was going on and nothing interesting would happen before lab. He could feel it. Even the air _tasted_ boring.

He slipped his phone out of his pocket and typed the unlock code and found himself staring at the "new contact" screen. _Oh, that's right_. He'd forgotten about the number he'd seen in the bathroom, and now that he was looking at it, he decided to call. Why not? He was bored. He saved the number anyway, he'd probably have called eventually.

The phone rang for a few seconds. Jack slid further down his seat and drummed his fingers on the cushion.

It's not like he called random strangers normally. But finding a phone number in the bathroom, especially on such a long day, was totally a sign he should save it. Right?

Or maybe he'd seen too many dumb movies.

When someone picked up on the other end he sat up straight. "Hello?"

"All right, I'm assuming that since I don't see your name on the number screen, you're somebody who I don't know, correct?" The voice coming from the other end of the phone was male and sounded tired.

"Um... Yeah? I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, but-"

"No, you should be sorry you called in the first place, asshole. If you're one of the fuckers who found this number written on some desk or wherever, stop calling or I will seriously send the police after you. This definitely constitutes harassment, and if you're calling for some dumb ‘favor’ I promise you're not going to-"

"Wait, I'm just calling because I was bored and I found the number in the bathroom." Jack shook his head. "I'm not looking for anything. I promise. I just wanted to do something aside from stare at the ceiling."

There was a pause at the other end of the line. "I can't decide if that's better or still creepy. I'm leaning towards creepy." The guy on the other end of the line sighed. "Look, I don't care why you're calling, just don't call again, okay? And do me a favor and erase the spot where you found this number. Or scratch it off. Just don't leave it."

Jack squinted up at the ceiling, phone still in his hand. "So you didn't put it there?"

"Why the hell would I have done that? It's not like anybody wants to advertise their number to strangers in- where even are you calling from?"

"The college."

"Fuck." Jack heard the guy at the other end of the line speaking to someone off te line, then he heard somebody start crying. "Look, I'm guessing you aren't the piece of shit who wrote my friend's number all over the place. Thanks for that at least. But could you do me a favor and try to get rid of any other- did you say it was bathroom vandalism? I think you did- just make sure nobody else gets ahold of this number, because it's causing my friend a shit-ton of trouble."

"Sure, no problem." Jack nodded with the phone in his hand. "Do you know who's writing it? I could keep an eye out for you, just in case. So we can get them to stop spreading it."

"I've got a pretty good idea," the guy on the phone mumbled. "Yeah, go ahead and do that. I'd beat the shit out of him if I could."

"We'll see if we can make that happen," Jack said with a smirk. "If I catch him, should I call you back?"

"Sure, I guess- but, shit, wait." There was a sigh from the other end of the line. "Don't call this number, okay? This isn't my phone." He paused. "Can I trust you not to give this out?"

"It's a stone-cold secret," Jack said solemnly, crossing his heart for added sincerity. He scribbled down the number in his notebook as the guy rattled it off. "I promise I won't call until I find him," he added once he'd finished writing.

"Thank you. Sorry about calling you an asshole and the other stuff. I guess you don't suck as bad as everybody else who's been calling."

Jack smiled. "I try not to be." He hesitated. "My name's Jack, by the way."

"Well, Jack, thanks for not being a complete piece of shit."

"You're welcome."

* * *

 

Hayden ended the call and sighed, looking over at his crying friend. Her wild red curls splayed out across the bed and her back rose and fell with more even breaths than they had been before. He rested a sympathetic hand on her back. "At least it wasn't another asshole."

She lifted her head and glared at him. "Do you seriously believe that guy wasn't calling for something? Nobody calls the number on a bathroom stall wall because they're bored, Hiccup." She pressed her tear stained face back into her pillow and screamed angrily. "I should never have trusted that asshole!"

Cringing at the muffled scream, Hayden lifted his hand and stared up at the lime-painted ceiling. "It's not your fault, you know. You thought you could trust him. It'll all be okay eventually."

"Easy for you to say," she spat back. "You aren't the one getting phone calls from assholes who ‘want a little sugar’ or something and think you're the best choice." Her scream hit the pillow again and Hayden winced. "Why are men so fucking dumb?"

"We're not all like that."

"Thanks, that really helps me out to know that I chose the one guy who was a piece of shit." When Merida glared at him, Hayden found himself backtracking quickly. She sighed. "God, why am I so stupid?"

"You're not stupid. It was just a one time thing." Smiling down at her as she turned over in the bed, Hayden shrugged. "Everyone gets to be dumb once."

"You're such an asshole," she mumbled, but a small smile was creeping back onto her face. Hayden relaxed slightly as he saw her calming down. "Thanks for answering the phone."

He'd started to answer the phone for her after the first week of phone calls from guys who'd found Merida's number in various places. She'd been confused at first when she had answered an unfamiliar number to get asked when she could meet to fuck, and she angrily shouted that she wasn't a whore.

That first phone call had turned into a lot more, and she quickly realized what had probably happened.

Of course she had spared Hayden some details, but he caught the general gist. After years of refusing every guy who she same across because they weren't good enough and she didn't have any interest, some college guy sweet-talked her with his vision of "equality" and it wasn't long before they had a fling. And that was it. She was heartbroken enough that he had disappeared, but once she realized that he had probably been bragging about her to his friends.

It turned into more, though, when Hiccup answered one day and the guy said he'd seen the number written in the park. Whether it was the asshole himself or somebody else, Merida's number had been plastered around the school and park and dumb teenage boys had started calling her, and it got to a point where she couldn't handle answering her phone anymore unless she recognized the number. Hayden decided he'd stick around and give whichever sex-crazed shitheads who decided to call a piece of his mind.

Of course she was too proud to tell her parents. Hayden couldn't blame her. If she told them people were calling her, she'd have to explain why it started. So they ended up in her room after school most nights, Hayden acting as a sort-of-secretary as they worked on homework.

"Do you really think this guy is different than the others, though?" She asked a few minutes after Jack's phone call. "I can't believe that you trust him."

Hayden shrugged. "He sounded genuine enough. And who knows what college students do in their free time."

" _Nobody_ in their right mind just calls the number on a bathroom wall because they're bored."

"Yeah. You've said that."

She threw her pencil at him. "At least if he's telling the truth he's going to take my number down from _some_ where. That's something nobody else has offered."

Hayden nodded. "We'll see what happens."

* * *

 

The phone calls stopped five days after Jack called for the first time. Merida told Hayden she was grateful for the break, but they both felt like it was probably just a temporary break.

So when a call came a week later, Merida hesitated before picking up. "Do you think it's safe?"

Hayden leaned over and recognized Jack's number from before. "If you think you want to talk to the guy from last Wednesday, then yeah."

"Which guy, the one who wanted to meet me in the-"

"The nice one."

"Oh. Well, okay." She lifted her phone and took a deep breath before accepting the call, leaving the phone on speaker. "Hello?"

"Hey, are you the girl whose number was all over?" Hayden recognized Jack's voice and nodded at her to indicate it was the same guy for sure.

"Yeah, that's me." She grimaced. "You're Jack, right? The one who told my friend you'd help us out?"

"Yeah, that's me." His time was slightly amused, and Hayden cocked his head, confused as to the reason. "So you guys wanted me to try to get rid of those numbers, right?"

"Yeah? Why, did you do it?"

"I had the help of a couple friends, but we went around town and tried to remove them from every bathroom. I'm pretty sure we got all of them that are within the next couple miles, but I can't get rid of anything if people saved it."

"Well, if anybody saved it and has already called, Hiccup gave them a talking to, so I think we're safe there." Merida's relieved smile spread across her face.

"Um... Who's Hiccup?"

"That's me," Hayden chimed in embarrassedly. "It's just a nickname."

Jack laughed on the other end of the line. "Cute. Anyway, you guys said to see if I could find the guy. I assume you'd know him, right?"

"I wish I didn't," Merida replied. "But yes."

"Well, I think I have him, so if you feel like-"

" _Where is that motherfucker_?" Merida screamed loudly enough that Hayden's ears started to ring.

"Shit, you've got some lungs. Uh, if you feel comfortable meeting me in town, I can stay with him so he doesn't run off-"

"Where?" Merida swung her legs off the edge of the bed, practically reading to go.

"We're at the college. By the football fields."

"We'll be there in ten minutes." Merida jumped off her bed and bounced by the door. "Thank you. So much."

"No problem. This guy's an asshole."

When Merida hung up, Hiccup shook his head in disbelief. "And you were criticizing me for trusting him too easily."

"We can all be dumb once," she retorted, slipping her car keys off the dresser. "Come on. Time to let this guy know who he was messing with."

* * *

 

The car that pulled up along the side of the football field was definitely controlled by the most erratic driver Jack had ever seen, and he was even more shocked when he saw the enormous head of red curls that stepped out of the driver's side door. A look of fury was on the girl's face as she stormed toward him and the guy he had constrained to a metal folding chair from his friend's garage.

"So there you are. Feminist. My. Ass." The redhead's fist flew directly at the guy's face and he recoiled from the blow, dizzied.

"Merida! I'm pretty sure that's illegal!" The other person who'd been in the car- Jack recognized him by his voice as the guy on the phone- ran toward her, muttering under his breath as he went. "You can't just beat him up!"

"Oh, yes, I can," Merida shouted angrily as she landed a kick on his knee. The guy howled and stared at her in fear.

"God, I'm sorry you're such a bitch about it. I was only playing a joke."

"Your sense of humour sucks." Merida took a step back and crossed her arms. "I'd want to cut off your balls and make sure you never have kids, and then-”

"Merida! That's definitely illegal."

"I'm gonna have to side with the guy on this one," Jack chimed in. "Sorry."

The four stared at each other- the guy who was tied to the chair through a swollen eye. He groaned in pain. "I won't do it again, all right? Can you just let me go?"

"Not a chance," Merida's friend shot back, shaking his head. "You already lied once. How do we know you won't do it again?"

Jack watched as the three in front of him argued and made a mental note never to mess with high schoolers.

"Well? Are you guys satisfied? Because we could let him go if you are."

"Not quite yet," both of them said almost in sync.

Jack sighed. "Do you have any idea what you're going to do with him? Because I'm gonna say no to the cutting off his balls thing-"

"We could egg his car," the guy offered.

"Are you serious, Hayden? That's so cliché." Merida put a fist under her jaw in thought. "I don't know what legal things could make up dye the shit he put me through."

The guy squirmed in his seat. "I'm right here, you know. It's not ethical to talk about me like-"

"You're not exactly in a position to make demands," Jack interrupted. "I'd recommend you shut up about ethics." The guy went silent after that.

"So... What now, then?" Hayden put his hands on his hips. "I'm not sure exactly what you were planning to do, so..."

"Neither was I," Merida admitted.

There was silence until Jack piped in.

"I have an idea, as long as you can help me carry him up the stairs."

* * *

 

Surveying their handiwork from below, Merida nodded in satisfaction. "I think that's satisfying enough."

The guy sat tied to his little metal chair at the top of the bleachers, where a paper sign hung over the edge and broadcasted, in bold, three foot letters, "For a good time, call..." Followed by the guy's phone number.

"I think that works. It might not be totally _legal_ , but it's better than anything else we came up with," Hayden remarked.

“So, now what?” Jack crossed his arms. “You guys are done, then?”

Hayden frowned. “Well, yeah, I guess so. I feel like we should do more than just say thank you to _you_ though.”

“Nah, I’m good. As long as you’re feeling okay,” he said with a nod toward the redhead.

“I think _I’m_ okay. But if you’re down for one favor, I’d love your help.”

“What kind of favor?”

Meria smirked. “Hiccup here really likes to cuddle, and I’m sick and tired of him asking me, so if you could help him find a boyfriend-”

“ _Merida!_ ”

Jack laughed. “We can start with some food. I’ll let you decide about the boyfriend thing,” he added in Hayden’s direction, “But I doubt you’d have much trouble finding one on your own.”

“So you think he’s cute?” Merida quickly replied, a smirk on her face as she watched Jack blush.

Behind his hands, her friend’s face also reddened. “Can we just go eat now? Please?”

Jack nodded quickly. "I think that's a good idea."

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> And so, Jack and Hiccup ended up basically being forced together by Merida, who was so giddy from getting revenge that she had forgotten how much she hated relationships. (They ended up not minding. Jack knew enough dirty limericks to entertain them all for hours, and Hiccup was happy to have someone he knew he could trust.)


End file.
